dear bloggie...
i don't know where i supposed to start.ok.i'm thinking of updating this post for today in english just to brush up my english because these days my english is getting worst and worst so i don't know what i'm supposed to do to improve it.
firstly , after these 4 months, there's too many things that had happened to me but i can't keep it up with my blog because i can't get the access to the internet because i don't have any internet connection before this then when i've got the u-mobile, it can't worked then when i have the celcom broadband plak...i was too busy with the assignments, presentations and the final examination and and and extra plus having room in level 4 doesn't give me any privillage of using the college wireless! *kambeng betoila..*
now, i'm tasting the sweetness and juiciness of semester break all alone because both of my besties are studying in matrix ; zura n lien.woah.i miss both of u! when will we hang around and laugh out lout like crazy munkee ??? damn. i really hate this feeling.*empty*
well, many people would think that i'm changing...yeah.i'll may look different at the outside but at the inside, i'm just the same.i'm just the old nanie that people used to know since i was in the childhood time.before this i used to be a free hair, then i've started to wear hijab and now...i'm taking it off back again because of what ? because I also don't know what to say because words can't describe my feeling right now.it happened to fast.the first 3 months i've studied here everything flows as what i've planned.it started at the end of the semester where the "inner girl of mine" always whispering to do this and that.seing friends doing things that i used to do during my "free hair" time makes me eager to be the "old" me.yeah.that's right.people who don't know about my history my simply assume that i'm one of the girl that being culture shocked.
yeah.people may easily jumped into conclusion by saying i'm this and that.but i'll try to stick with my principal that " i don't have to give a damn on what people are going to talk about me because words can't makes me down, as long as i'm happy with my life, nobody can touch it" maybe i've been hurted for so many times by people around me, it makes me stronger as an old saying told that "what doesn't kills you, makes you stronger". i'm not rebranding a new me.maybe it is the time for me to rebel for the second time because i'm feeling that everybody around me are taking advantages on me and ignoring my heart feeling though i'm trying hard enough to take care of everyone's heart feeling.it is just to no avail.
what i know right now is, i have to stand for myself and being mean to those who have be meant to me but in a smart way. not in a stupid way by arguing and blaming people this and that in the bloggie as what some of the bitches did.not to mention anyone but i know you know where you are standing right now.only moron do that.as a matured and intellectual people,we do not have to stood to their level and do the same thing as what they did to us.i repeat it.it is IMMATURE! if you did the same thing to the people who have be mean to you, you are just the same like them! it is no point to behave like a kid anymore.come on! grow up lah babe!
to the particular person that i've interfered in "her" personal life, what i wanna said here is just that i'm sorry that i've touched the family aspect because i didn't mean it too.i'm just to too mad that you've touched the sensitivity on how some people dress-up, the bad things of what other people have done, and some sort of others.yea.you know what you've spill isn't it ? you, yourslef knows better. as a matter of fact, you are denying that it is not your fault and pointing your fingers to other people.one thing that i want to say here is, when we commit sin, we don't have to be afraid to let other people know because we are just a human.it is a human being to follow the satanic whisperer's, sometime. everybody make mistake and i admit that i'm the one who commit sins too.in fact i might did it a lot than you.hahaha.maybe you're just to shame of yourself, you've spit everything of the dark side of me that you've know.hahaha.silly. at that time you've just have no point and spill out all of my past which in fact i've never did it anymore.thanks for humiliating me at that time.may God pay back to what you've did to me.and it is a reminder for me to not too trust your own friend easily because we never know what they would do to us.in the first place, as first impression some people may look way-oh-so-innocent at the outside, but at the inside..jie...macam longkang, macam loji kumbahan sisa tahi-tahi pun ada.
and extra plus thanks for the "caci-cacian" about my oh-so-ugly-house which you've said that it is just like a small box.it may be small or may not be as big as your oh-so-beautiful-house, but it would be enough for us to shelter from the rain and the sun.rather than staying in a oh-so-big-and-beautiful-house but it just feels like in a hell, the smaller would be better. and to the caci-cacian about the Viva that my mom has bought for me,yeah it may be not cost her as the BMW 3series as your other richest friend have, but it means a lot to me because it is a birthday gift from her to me and as an inspiration for me to struggle harder for my future in order to success.daripada takde ape-ape kan...? apart from that thanks also for "labelling" me this and that because as for me, it means nothing to me and it is not important.what that is important is what we are and how would we stand in front of the God's eye.and for all the bullshits about my friends also thanks for it because as what you've bad mouthing about us in your own bloggie it have just make our relationship stronger than before and i know that you're wayyy so jealousy of it and trying so hard to make a new friendship which only stupid people may look it "oh so cool" as "KAMI" la katekan...hahaha.silly.as long as you're happy la cik kak oi...don't you found it pretty silly that a "friendship" has ruined because of a stupid question during our conversation on the ym and you're the one who exaggerates it to you're own bloggie.
as a matter of fact, i've stop arguing with you in my old bloggie because i found it would bring us to nowhere and in fact one friendship has broken its bond.i'm the one who stop it but you claimed to the others that you're tired of this argument and don't wanna argue about it anymore.siap cakap dah forgive aku lagi and we may act like strangers if we meet at the roadside or any pedestrians.as if like we never know each other before.well, after all and you've satisfied with the all "pukul-canang-pukul-rata-and called me sluts,bitch and whatsoever" kau boleh ckp kau maafkan aku ? siap boleh ckp "nabi pun memaafkan umatnyer, inikan pulak aku..."well, persoalannye di sini...siape yang patot maafkan siape nih ? as for me... the word "maaf" have vanished from my dictionary of life for people like you. you're nobody to be fogiven.
as what u've want and mentioned before, maybe the space between us like this would be good for us, then fine because you cannot accept the way people approach you.but once again i said here is, no matter what we are or no matter what we do, do not blame others in order to hide the flaws that we've made and words may cover your own true colors to those who are blind but not to the people that you've thrown all the cursing words.i my onwself admit that i also do cursed you but at that time i was provoked by you. i wont do bad things to people unless when there are certain people who don't know how respect other people and their feelings.
last but not least, though the fighting between us took part in January this year and just by this moment i want to counter-back because at that time both of us are in the burning of fire and i just don't want to spill out more uncivillised words to you as what you've did to me.so i took the smart step where intelectual people always do that by just staying idle.i don't want to take any revenge on you because that is God's job.kau pandai kan ? kalo kau xpandai takkan kau dapat masuk Uitm Melacca utk december intake kan ?
=]
finally, thanks la di atas doa-doa kau untuk aku whether it is for my goodness or badness.hope that u'll succeed in what ever you do.
